Grandma's Cardinals

This is my grandma (and grandpa) Plue, my mom's mom, and me at 9 months old.

She passed away years ago.  December 9, 1999 to be exact.

I miss her.

My mom, grandma and I were quite close.

I have so many fond memories of going to Grandma's house to sit around the kitchen table for hours of Canasta, Rummy or Rack-O games.  The three of us used to have pretty fierce matches that would last all day.  The conversation and laughs we shared over those cards are priceless to me and one of the reasons I hope to be lucky enough to have a daughter someday (maybe October?).  The bond that the three of us had was so incredible and I hope to have the same with my mother and my daughter.

My grandma loved cardinals.

She had cardinal figurines/pictures/magnets all over her house.  

To this day, anytime I see a cardinal I'm reminded of her.

I've been thinking of her quite a bit throughout this pregnancy.  Her birthday was October 26.  My original due date was October 24 (now the 22nd) but I can't help but hope that my baby will be born on her birthday.  And after nearly a year of trying to get pregnant I can only think that she had some hand in the fact that this was finally my month.  And the fact that I found out on her daughter, my mother's birthday.

I also truly feel like she's become this baby's guardian angel of sorts.  Since becoming pregnant I've seen cardinals everywhere.  Only one at a time, but the sightings have been frequent.  The first happened while I was with a client, standing on her back porch looking at the yard.  My gaze immediately fell upon a cardinal.  

The next sighting, and perhaps the most poignant, happened while Nick and I were at my OB's office for the first time, around 11 weeks pregnant.  We were sitting in the doctor's office, at her desk when we heard a persistent tapping at the window to our left.  After a few minutes, Nick tapped my shoulder and pointed.  I looked over and saw a cardinal sitting on the window ledge just outside the window, tapping on the glass with it's beak.  If that wasn't a sign that my grandma is watching over this child, I don't know what is.

I've seen several more beautiful, red birds since and hope to keep seeing them.  It brings me a peace.  A peace that this baby is looked after.  A peace that my grandma is still a huge part of my life, even after being gone from my physical life for over a decade.  A peace that our bond is still just as strong.  

A peace that she's always with me.

14 weeks

How far along?:  14 weeks!  Baby's the size of a lemon.  A very skinny, light lemon :)

Total weight gain:  So.  I was doing so well avoiding the scale.  Until last Tuesday.  While I was in the waiting room at LabCorp waiting to get blood drawn, I made the terrible mistake of glancing down at the script my OB had written me.  On in big bold letters were the words Maternal Weight, followed by an even bigger, bolder number.  According to the scale at my OB's office, I'm up a full 10lbs.  That didn't sit well with me so I weighed myself at home the following morning and found that I'm actually only up 7lbs.  My home scale is where my starting weight came from so I'm going with that.  Plus, that morning before my appt, I had to drink 32oz of water and I hadn't, um, pooed in days.  That shit adds up.  Literally ;)


Maternity Clothes?:  No, I'm still fighting it but I think it'll be soon.  I'm basically alternating daily between a pair of skinny jeans with A LOT of stretch, another pair of jeans that I keep closed with my BellaBand and leggings.

Showing?:  My belly is starting to get this weird pointy shape to it.  So I guess that counts.

Please disregard the unruly hair.

Taken at 13w3d, before we headed out for a lovely date night!

Stretch Marks?:  Nope.


Sleep:  Is still making me crazy.  Either I sleep really well or I sleep like shit.  And I'm still exhausted just about all the time.  Oh elusive second trimester burst of energy, I'm looking for you!


Best moment this week:  As mentioned above, we had a fantastic date night on Thursday.  Nick came home insanely early (6:30!) so we ventured out.  We're fans of restaurant hopping instead of just settling on one place so we made the rounds and hit up 3 different places and grabbed a few apps at the bar at each spot.  And Nick took advantage of his built-in designated driver :)


Movement:  Nope.  I'm dying to start feeling some flutters or something resembling movement!


Cravings:  I think the craving are finally subsiding.  Although I had a dream about an apple fritter the size of my head on Saturday so naturally we had to go get one as soon as I woke up Sunday morning.


Aversions:  Meat.  I don't see this changing anytime soon.

Other Symptoms:  Still dealing with heartburn.  And this has been the week of the headaches.  I've had one just about daily and dealt with a full-blown migraine all weekend.  Can I tell you how fun migraines are when all you're allowed to take is Tylenol?  I've also had a couple of strange near-fainting spells.  You know the feeling you get when you might pass out?  That tingly, light-headed, vommy feeling?  That keeps happening to me while at work.  Luckily it seems to pass after 20 minutes or so.  I'm also still fairly nauseous, especially after eating breakfast.  It's the worst from about 10am-noon lately.


Missing anything?:  Turkey subs.


Gender Prediction:  Nope.


Mood:  I think I'm getting irritable.  Poor husband.

Purchases:  We took a drive out to the Lee Outlets on Saturday and paid a visit to Carter's.  I bought a couple outfits.  One with lime green and white stripes and a frog on the butt and another with duckies all over.  Too cute.

Husband snapped this pic of me perusing the racks at Carter's and put it up on facebook... you wouldn't believe (well, you probably would because people are assholes) the backlash that it received from people telling me not to buy clothes for myself because I'll get enough at my shower.  I CANNOT STAND unsolicited "advice" so this definitely rubbed me the wrong way.  Hello, I'm an excited first-time mom who enjoys picking things out for my child.

Milestones:  Um, Baby Bakmi can now suck his thumb?  I wouldn't be surprised if it comes out with thumb in mouth.  I was a thumb-sucker til age 5.

13 weeks

How far along?:  13 weeks!  Holy shit, I'm 3 days from the second trimester.  Now I'm just waiting for that supposed burst of energy everyone keeps talking about.

Isn't s/he cute?  :)

Total weight gain:  Still no idea.  I, again, told the nurse at my appt this morning that I didn't want to know.  I'm seriously gonna try and hold out... I think knowing how much I've gained will only make me obsess about it more.  My doctor told me that my weight gain is fine so I'm just gonna go with that :)


Maternity Clothes?:  No, but I'm still unbuttoning my pants mid-day.

Showing?:  Eh, I think it's still just fat.

Ugh.  Fat belly.  Really need to slow the carb-fest down.

Taken the same day.  I look much better with clothes.  And still fairly normal.

Stretch Marks?:  Don't think so.


Sleep:  Has been evading me this week.  I'm still beyond exhausted but the insomnia has set in.  I lay there for hours and can't seem to get comfortable.  And when I do fall asleep I wake up what seems like every five minutes.  Doesn't help that I'm still getting up to pee 3-6 times a night either.  And I've actually ended up on the couch the past three nights because I've found it to be more comfortable than my bed, which is strange because we seriously have the most comfy bed known to man.  Really hope my body starts realizing that sleep is going to come at a premium in 6 months and I need to get all I can NOW.


Best moment this week:  We had our NT scan this morning and it couldn't have gone better.  NT measurement was 1.6, well within the safe zone.  I was so nervous about this for some reason and even dreamed last night that the number came back at 6.2.  Thankfully my dream was severely inaccurate.  During the scan, the tech needed a profile view to get the measurement but baby was quite uncooperative... s/he kept rolling on it's side and showing us it's backside.  I loved seeing all that movement!  Baby measured at 7.3cm today... the average 13 week old measures 6.7cm.  Apparently I'm going to have a mammoth baby.


Movement:  None yet... it's crazy to think that all that flipping and flopping we saw on the ultrasound goes completely unnoticed by me.  I can't wait til I can actually feel it.


Cravings:  Chocolate.  Which is strange because I've never been a chocolate person... I prefer vanilla or fruit over just about any type of chocolate.  It doesn't help that it's Easter season and delicious chocolate bunnies are everywhere ;)  And I REALLY want a turkey sub.  I cannot stand the no deli meat rule of pregnancy.  I told Nick that he'll be bringing me an enormous turkey sub from our favorite Italian deli immediately after delivery.  Ooh, and salad... I can't get enough.  Specifically the pear, pecan and blue cheese (sub feta since I can't have blue) salad from the restaurant.  I had it three nights in a row last week.  And iced tea.  Dunkin Donuts is killing me with their "any size for 99 cents" promotion.


Aversions:  Meat.  Someone mentioned meatloaf the other day and I almost lost it.

Other Symptoms:  The heartburn has brutal this week.  I also feel quite a bit of pressure in my lower abdomen.  I keep joking that it feels like my uterus is going to fall out ;)


Missing anything?:  Turkey subs.


Gender Prediction:  I keep referring to the baby as "he" but I think that's just out of convenience.


Mood:  Still really weepy.

Purchases:  Haven't bought anything lately.  I told Nick that I want to do something fun and baby-related this weekend so maybe we'll head to Babies R Us and start the overwhelming registry process.


Milestones:  Successfully made it through the first trimester!

Random:  The baby is now being referred to as Baby Bakmi.  Nick's been trying to call him/her Blue Ivy, after Beyonce and JayZ's kid but I can't stand it.  Not sure why it bothers me so much but it does.  I guess I want our tiny to have it's own identity.  And last night at a fundraiser at the restaurant, one of our friends said something about trying to come up with an Italian/Indonesian name for the baby.  Thus, Baby Bakmi (an Indonesian noodle dish that's extremely popular at the restaurant) was born :)

In which I prove the old wives' tales correct.

I despise old wives' tales.  Especially pregnancy-related ones.  For instance:

"Just relax and it'll happen"
"Spend some time with a baby and just soak him up" (what, like babies have magic cooties or something?)


Welp.  It happened.  I stepped one foot inside of a fertility clinic, set a plan in motion, quit worrying so much and (magically?) got pregnant.  And in January I spent the better part of a week rubbing my brand new nephew all over me.  Well, not really rubbing...

My mom and sister-in-law are convinced this is why I'm currently in a knocked-up state.

Me?  Meh.  I'm not a believer, but it happened.  Maybe those old wives knew what they were talking about.

12 weeks!

 How far along?:  12 weeks!  Below is a terribly scanned copy of last week's u/s.  But isn't s/he cute?

Total weight gain:  No clue.  They weighed me at my appt last week but I refused to look and the nurse that she better not read the number out loud ;)


Maternity Clothes?:  No, but the Belly Band has been my best friend this week.


Stretch Marks?:  I'm going with no but I actually haven't looked.


Sleep:  Is all I know how to do anymore.  I slept for 13 hours Saturday night.  It was glorious.  Now if only I would stop waking every two hours to pee...


Best moment this week:  My first appt with my OB was last Monday at 10w5d but after baby measured 2 days ahead again they moved my due date up to Oct 22 and deemed me 11 weeks!  I'll take it :)  Oh, and we also outed ourselves on facebook.  That was quite the lovely moment.  Between husband and myself we had almost 700 "likes" and over 200 comments.  Fun!


Cravings:  Crunch Berries cereal.  I'm on my second box in a week.  Other than that my eating's been okay.  I'm still overdoing it in the carb department but my appetite has been getting back to normal.  One night I was actually able to eat a healthy meal of tofu, broccoli and brown rice.  Go me!


Aversions:  Are getting better but I still can't go near chicken or much other meat for that matter.

Other Symptoms:  My nausea has improved to every other day instead of all day every day.  But the "on" days seem worse than they had been.  My boobs are still killing me and I pee all.the.time.  And have I mentioned the exhaustion?  Sheer, utter exhaustion.  Cannot wait to have some energy back.  I also feel the need to hold my stomach when I walk lately.  It feels like my muscles are trying to stretch through my skin.  Which I guess they kind of are.  haha


Missing anything?:  I miss people looking me in the eye when they greet me.  Instead they scan right to my belly.  Annoying.


Showing?:  Eh.  You decide.


Gender Prediction:  I have no inkling one way or the other.  My SIL told me that she bought me girl stuff the other day though, so I HAVE to have a girl ;)


Mood:  Pretty good but I've definitely been weepy lately.  Everything makes me tear up.

Purchases:  Nothing recently but we did find the crib we want!  Just need to order it :)


Milestones:  12 weeks feels like a huge milestone!  And telling the world made it seem all the more real.

Obligatory Belly Pic:  It looks like a bump but I seriously just think it's fat.  I feel like it's still too early for legitimate bump.  Or not.  Who knows.

10 weeks

Originally written on March 28, 2012, but again, I need to get caught up.  

How far along?:  10 weeks.  Woot for double digits!  Apparently baby is the size of a prune this week.

Total weight gain:  I haven't stepped on a scale in about 3 weeks and I don't plan to until my appt on Monday.


Maternity Clothes?:  No, and the bloat seems to have dissipated a bit so I'm not as uncomfortable as I was.


Stretch Marks?:  No.


Sleep:  OMG this week has been awful.  Talk about sheer and utter exhaustion.


Best moment this week:  Um.  I'm drawing a blank.  Oh wait, husband announced the pregnancy at a wine dinner we attended on Sunday.  That was pretty fun.


Cravings:  Veggie subs from Subway.  On Italian Herbs and Cheese bread with extra American cheese, lettuce, spinach, tomato, onion, banana peppers and jalapenos.  And honey mustard.  And a side of sour cream and onion Baked Lays.  I'm not at all specific.


Aversions:  Still meat.  And cooked veggies.

Other Symptoms:  The heartburn started last week but it hasn't been bad.  Still hungry all the time and I just generally haven't felt good.


Missing anything?:  Working out.  I had the most glorious dream about running a 5K the other night.  In my dream I was running such a strong race and I could literally feel it.  I woke up sorely disappointed.


Showing?:  Nope, just looking a little fluffy.


Gender Prediction:  Eh.  I really have no inkling one way or the other.


Mood:  Holy shit have I been irritable lately.  Yesterday I totally took it out on a poor unsuspecting real estate agent whose client had the nerve to submit a low offer on one of my listings.  How dare he?  haha.

Purchases:  I found a killer pair of Mavi maternity jeans at Pea in the Pod last week.  On clearance.  Score.  They fit and look just like my regular non-mat Mavis.  Love.  I also got a pretty cute color-block dress that will be perfect for the summer.


Milestones:  10 weeks is a pretty significant milestone in my head.  Now let's hope that when I get to the doctor for my next u/s on Monday that everything looks good and baby's still growing away!

Obligatory Belly Pics:  The bloat has subsided over the past week or so and my pants fit better.  I actually think I look a bit skinnier at 10 weeks than I did at 9.  Although that roll of back fat that's creeping it's way in isn't making me too happy.

The first 8 weeks.

Originally written on March 14, 2012... I'm actually 11w2d now but I need to catch you up on the fun of the first 8 weeks :)

So.  I love reading all the pregnancy blogs that include cute little surveys about Mama and Baby's progress but I get a little bored with the repetitive nature of them.  Unfortunately I couldn't find anything different in my search for a more fun survey and I'm not nearly creative enough to come up with one on my own.  So for the next 7 months, get ready to be dazzled by my answers to some pretty boring pregnancy questions ;)

For the first one, I'll do my best to recap everything that's happened so far (as of week 8, anyway).

How far along?:  8 weeks!  Baby's the size of a raspberry.  My favorite :)

Total weight gain:  About 4lbs of pure fat.  And maybe a little bloat.  And a little bit in my bra ;)


Maternity Clothes?:  No, but I find myself unbuttoning my pants by about 11am daily.


Stretch Marks?:  Let's pray that these stay far, far away.


Sleep:  Is all I want to do.  I take an afternoon nap almost everyday and am sleeping about 8-10 hours/night.  It's glorious.


Best moment this week:  Last u/s with RE, baby looks like an adorable little kidney bean.


Movement:  I'm going to leave this category out until necessary, from now on.


Cravings:  Donuts.  Specifically apple fritters.  And more specifically the glaze on said fritters.  Oh, and carbs.  Any and all carbs.  Thus the 4lb weight gain.  (Sidenote: during week 4, I couldn't get enough red meat.  I NEVER eat red meat.  As fast as that craving came though, it went.  Now the thought of it makes me want to vom.)


Aversions:  Um, everything?  The aversions have been by far the worst (and most unexpected) symptom.  I can't  stand even the thought of meat, specifically chicken.  I also almost lost it after trying to swallow a bite of salad around week 6.

Other Symptoms:  Constant hunger.  And I mean, "I will gnaw my own arm off if I don't get food now" kind of hunger.  It's awful.  I'm fairly nauseous from about 10am to 3 or 4 each afternoon but ginger ale and oyster crackers help tremendously.  Also?  My boobs hurt.so.freaking.bad.  And are slightly larger.  And the worst symptom?  And by worst I mean most disgusting.  I'm a burping machine.  Loud, guttural man-burps. It starts literally minutes after eating.  I guess the only saving grace about being gassy is that it's coming out of this end and not other, potentially more stinky end of my body ;)


Missing anything?:  I'm seriously shocked that I don't miss wine.  It's actually almost an aversion... I really don't want anything to do with it.


Showing?:  Other than the 4lb weight gain and bloat?  No.


Gender Prediction:  I've had several boy dreams but I'm attributing that to the birth of my nephew in January.  My mom and sister-in-law think girl.


Labor Signs:  Another category that you won't see for awhile.


Mood:  I've definitely noticed myself getting more and more irritable lately.  I've also been quite weepy, which is really pretty pathetic.  I tear up at anything baby or family related.

Purchases:  I couldn't resist ordering a couple of outfits from Old Navy that were on clearance.  They're gender neutral and will be perfect for next winter.  I also ordered two pairs of BabyLegs.  Cutest things ever.  Oh, and I did break down and order a pair of maternity yoga pants to lounge around the house is.  Guess I lied in the mat clothes category above.


Milestones:  Successfully made it through all of my appts with the RE... they spoiled the crap out of me.  I can't even describe how nice it was to be able to go in for weekly appts to see the little nugget and be reassured that everything's going smoothly.  I'm seriously going to miss that office.

Well this is interesting.

Since the world (i.e. facebook) is now in our secret, I can officially post the following:


*Originally written on Feb 11, 2012*

So I found out this morning that I'm, um, knocked up.

Woot!

It was quite unexpected and I'm still in shock.  Don't get me wrong, it's totally wanted and we're SO excited but it's taken so damn long to get here that I didn't think it was ever gonna happen.

Long story short, I tossed the pills last April and we've been trying (practicing? haha) since May.  I had some issues which led me to believe that my progesterone level was low and after convincing my OB that I needed bloodwork done, my fear was confirmed.

Knowing it was most likely an easy fix, we scheduled an appt with a fabulously gracious and understanding RE and decided on a game plan.

Said game plan was to start my next cycle with Clomid, a trigger shot and Crinone (progesterone suppositories... ick).  Then began the waiting game.  I had all my shiny new meds on hand, ready to go and didn't really give too much thought to the fact that I was a day late (my body's seriously consistent).

Cut to this morning when I awoke and realized that damn, I'm two days late with no annoying period (I hate that word) symptoms.

While husband was still in bed, I peed in a cup, dipped the stick and waited.  After an eternally long 3 minutes, I grabbed the stick, turned it every which way and could've sworn I saw the faintest shadow of a line.

Here's where I tell you I had all these cute ideas rolling around in my head about how to announce a pregnancy to husband. You know, handing him a onesie with "I love my daddy" written across the front, or dressing the dogs up in "I'm the big brother/sister" shirts (sidenote: he HATES it when I dress the dogs up) or something else even cornier.

And here's where I tell you how it actually happened:  Me:  "Babe?  Can you come here for a sec?"  He saunters into the bathroom, pre-coffee and still fuzzy from having just woken up.  "Do you see a line on this?"  Romantic, right?  After showing him how to properly view it in just the *right* light, he said that yes, he did see the faintest shadowy line.  Although I think he might've been humoring me.

Not satisfied, I immediately consulted my favorite know-it-all, Google, to find out which pregnancy tests were the best for early detection since I was only 10dpo.  Then I ran to Target to buy said tests.  And I'd be lying if I said I didn't consider taking the test in the Target bathroom.  Somehow I managed to make the 7 minute drive home without breaking any major traffic laws.

This time there was no mistaking it.

Holy shit.  He knocked me up.

Go figure, my body decided to work properly literally days before I start fertility meds.

I did have (who am I kidding, am still having) a minor freakout about my low progesterone issue so I got on the phone with the RE's office, told them I peed on a stick and got a positive result and they instructed me to start with the Crinone right away.  I'm still nervous because had this cycle been monitored by the RE, I would've started it 9 days ago.  Seriously hoping it works it's magic and keeps me pregnant.

The RE's office also scheduled me for bloodwork at 7am Monday morning to confirm the pregnancy and test my progesterone level.  Only 33.5 hours to go. Tomorrow's gonna be a long day.  And goddammit, I can't take my beloved Ambien anymore to help me sleep the hours away :(  Oh well, it's a small trade-off.  Compared to all the wine I'm gonna be missing out on.

Anyway.

Long story, well, long, I'm having a kid!  Say a prayer and have a drink for me.  Estimated due date: October 24, 2012!

Obligatory "before" picture.  Well, 3 weeks 3 days pregnant picture.

I can't stand that I worked so damn hard over the past 18 months to get my body in shape and then let it go to hell literally the month before getting pregnant.  I'm definitely starting off fluffier than I'd like.  Such is life.

PS... Today is my mom's birthday so naturally I had to call her immediately.  What a great birthday present for a grandma, right?  Too bad she's sworn to secrecy and isn't allowed to tell anyone for weeks.  Sorry, Mom ;)

*Update Feb 13, 2012*


Just got my first numbers back from my bloodwork:

hcg: 142
progesterone: 30

Couldn't be better.  So why am I still terrified?

*Update Feb 15, 2012*

Second numbers from bloodwork:

hcg: 469
progesterone: 29

Still looking great!  I'm starting to relax.  A little ;)

To be continued...