My witching hour.

I really don't know what "witching hour" means. But that's the thought that pops into my head when I wake up EVERY. FREAKING. NIGHT at the same time.

I wish I was kidding. I wake up every night somewhere between 4:00 and 4:15am. 4:12 is precisely the time I woke up this morning.

To pee.

My body must hate me. Or maybe it's the constant waterfall of wine I continually pour down my throat.

I think we've already discussed that I'm a horrible sleeper. Or maybe we haven't. The lack of sleep seems to be messing with my memory today. I suffer from random bouts of insomnia.

SUCKAGE.

And on nights after I drink, I suffer from alcohol-insomnia. Self-diagnosed. I should've been a doctor. I'll drift off into weird-dream-land then wake up at

to pee.

Then I can't fall back asleep.

You'd think I'd learn my lesson and not drink.

FUNNY.

So I deal with not sleeping by being a crabby bitch the next day. Poor husband.

But seriously, I'd like to know what kind of anti-sleep-fairy is f-ing with me... why the hell do I wake up at the same time EVERY. FREAKING. NIGHT?????

Oh, that's right. To pee. The first time. The second time is usually around 7:30, right before my alarm goes off. Isn't that the MOST annoying thing in the world? I have problems. Seriously. Does anyone else pee this much in the middle of the night? I mean, besides pretty pregnant ladies, of course.

Holy hell, how many times am I gonna get up when I'm actually knocked up? Oy. I better install a commode next to my bed.

*********************

Being that today is April 1st, now is where I wish I could tell you that this post was all a really bad April Fool's joke*. No dice. I actually just wrote an entire post about my middle of the night peeing habits. ha! Kinda makes me laugh. Like I said before, I have problems.

*April 1st is my absolute least favorite day of the year. I am probably one of the most gullible people you'll ever meet and will believe just about anything you tell me. The Husband could come home tonight and tell me he's leaving with the dogs** and I'd probably believe him, not for a second thinking it was a cruel April Fool's Day joke.

**Please don't, Husband. I kinda like you. And the dogs. And I'm totally NOT a good sport about a prank that might cause panic and embarassment. I really do have problems.