THE wedding incident.

What's this, you ask? Hmm... to me it looks like a happy wedding party having a grand old time in a comfortable, luxurious party bus! Oh yes, that's right. It is.

Question: What's a good way to turn a relaxed, elated bride into a screaming-obscenitites-at-the-top-of-her-lungs, red-faced, infuriated bride?

Answer: Have the party bus break down on the side of the highway on the way to the reception.

Question: How do you get the relaxed, elated bride back?

Answer: Pour champagne down her throat.

See, that's me. After lots and lots of champagne, somehow enjoying myself (and dancing like a fool in the aisle) on the back-up (think dingy, high school class trip type) bus.

I think you get the gist of what happened. My blood still boils when I talk about "the incident" so to keep myself from needing a glass of wine in the middle of the day, I'll keep it brief:

Bus broke down 25 minutes from reception site. Driver said "new bus will be here in 10 minutes". Gee, that was a long 10 minutes. Oh wait, that's 'cause it was 45! New bus arrives, new bus driver rocks. Arrive at reception 15 minutes later. Bridal party misses ENTIRE cocktail hour. Bride not happy. More champagne poured down bride's throat. Remainder of reception goes off without a hitch.

Question: What does a semi-drunk, LARGE wedding party do for 45 minutes while waiting on the side of a busy highway?

Answer: see below.

Now, remember, I was busy intoxicating myself, so I don't know if this shot was staged, or if they really all did have to pee. I'm surprised they didn't cause any accidents.

And here are my beautiful bridesmaids attempting to hitch a ride. Now I'm really surprised we didn't cause an accident. How could you drive by and not steal a glimpse of these lovelies?

Sorry boys... I don't think you have the effect on passers-by that the girls do.

And here's bus #2, ready to take us on our merry way.

Now you'll have to bear with me as I bring out the bitch. Just for a moment, I promise. It wouldn't feel right ending this post without the following information:

Please think twice before hiring Unnamed Transportation Company* in Albany, New York. I won't go into detail, but they were not the most pleasant to deal with after "the incident". Just imagine getting a phone call expecting an apology and instead getting a demand for credit card number to pay the balance. Then you'll know how I feel.

Hopefully some year I'll be able to look back and laugh at this. Not there yet. (But please feel free to laugh all you want at the pictures. They are pretty classic.)

Maybe somebody should share a worse "wedding incident" story with me. Please? Make me laugh.

*After being physically unable to hit the publish button, I regretfully deleted the company's name. I just couldn't do it. The angel on my shoulder overtook the devil. If you're curious, shoot me an email and I'll give you the name.